Lost Property in Timaru (47)

Lost Property in Timaru (47)

1

At lost property in North Street

All the cell phones in their care

Are demolished with a hammer

After four weeks being there

Yes a month is all they give you

Five weeks is simply too late

To save your Apple iPhone

From a sad and horrid fate

A child of eleven failed to save her Samsung Blue

From the lost property lady and the police of Timaru

A hammer blow was ample to determine its new fate

In the rubbish bins provided for the local police of late

2

When they smash someone’s lost cellphone

With a hammer made of steel

Is this cause for celebration?

I am curious how they feel

Do they crack open a bottle

For another job well done?

Can such legal vandalism

Ever be construed as fun?

A child of eleven failed to save her Samsung Blue

From the lost property lady and the police of Timaru

A hammer blow was ample to determine its new fate

In the rubbish bins provided for the local police of late

3

Is the lost property lady

With a hammer rather raw

To destroy a decent cellphone

That was found four weeks before?

Why not wait a little longer

Before hammering a phone

How unusual for destruction

Be for our police to condone

A child of eleven failed to save her Samsung Blue

From the lost property lady and the police of Timaru

A hammer blow was ample to determine its new fate

In the rubbish bins provided for the local police of late

4

So what about a laptop

Or a tablet handed in

Containing honest data

Destined for the rubbish bin

And how about an iPhone

That is anything but cheap

Is the hammer lady tempted?

Is this now her phone to keep!

A child of eleven failed to save her Samsung Blue

From the lost property lady and the police of Timaru

A hammer blow was ample to determine its new fate

In the rubbish bins provided for the local police of late

The End

© Frankie Espirit

The Lady with a Hammer (46)

The Lady with a Hammer (46)

1

What happens to your laptop?

Or your tablet that is lost?

In a town called Timaru

Regardless of the cost

Well the lost property lady

At the cop shop in North Street

Has been given a new hammer

When a password has her beat

The lady with a hammer handling police lost property

At North Street, Timaru, is on a healthy salary

So to smash a person’s iPad would otherwise be odd

Had permission not been given by her boss called Mister Plod 

2

Well let’s not malign the lady

She waits four weeks and a day

Before reaching for her hammer

With a ribbon pink and gay

After which the bin is needed

For the hundred bits or more

It’s a bloody brutal method

That’s permitted by the law

The lady with a hammer handling police lost property

At North Street, Timaru, is on a healthy salary

So to smash a person’s iPad would otherwise be odd

Had permission not been given by her boss called Mister Plod 

3

How about an Apple laptop

Or some tablet close to new

Or an iPhone that won’t open

Though it’s right in front of you

If you leave it at the airport

After four weeks and a day

I’m afraid your precious item

Will be smashed without delay

The lady with a hammer handling police lost property

At North Street, Timaru, is on a healthy salary

So to smash a person’s iPad would otherwise be odd

Had permission not been given by her boss called Mister Plod 

4

Yet without a password hurdle

Three months may now come to pass

Before heading for the auction

Without any broken glass

So three months if to be auctioned

And one month if to be trashed

Yet the rat that I can smell now

Makes excuses to be bashed

The lady with a hammer handling police lost property

At North Street, Timaru, is on a healthy salary

So to smash a person’s iPad would otherwise be odd

Had permission not been given by her boss called Mister Plod  

The End

© Frankie Espirit

Smash and Grab at Timaru Police Station (45)

Smash and Grab at Timaru Police Station (45)

1

How come the Police in Timaru

After a month but never two

Smash cell phones brought in as lost

No matter what the cellphone cost

What crazy protocol is this?

Who strikes the fatal blow that is!

A station hammer quick and fast

For them no need to feel aghast

Maybe it is the counter-staff that strike the fatal blow

What evidence do they retain I would so like to know

That what is fair to vandalise is not sold on the cheap

As cell phones handed in are seen as just too hot to keep

2

My poor grand-daughter shed a tear

When her Samsung failed to appear

A hammer blow I do believe

At Timaru lost property

The police claim innocence of course

They would prefer not to use force

But four weeks is quite long enough

For children who misplace their stuff

Perhaps it is the counter-staff that strike the fatal blow

What evidence do they retain I would so like to know

That what is fair to vandalise is not sold on the cheap

As cell phones handed in are seen as just too hot to keep

3

But wait a minute, it’s three months

Before they auction-off lost stuff

Three months before the crucial day

That our lost stuff is sent away

But only four weeks for a cell

Before they smash it anyhow

How odd to crush a phone to death

Such violence takes away my breath

Perhaps it is the counter-staff that strike the fatal blow

What evidence do they retain I would so like to know

That what is fair to vandalise is not sold on the cheap

As cell phones handed in are seen as just too hot to keep

4

My grand-daughter is young and shy

Four weeks to her soon passes bye

She left it just a week too late

Before her phone met such a fate

Lost property, what can they say?

Do they get high on hammer day?

Where did they learn to vandalise

The cell phones that they despise

Perhaps it is the counter-staff that strike the fatal blow

What evidence do they retain I would so like to know

That what is fair to vandalise is not sold on the cheap

As cell phones handed in are seen as just too hot to keep

The End

© Frankie Espirit

Rebel Magnet (44)

Rebel Magnet (44)

1

Goldie wants to save our planet

What a strange aim to pursue

In a world that is reluctant

Just to save a tree or two

Planet saving is dramatic

It’s a life changer for sure

And a ticket for a struggle

With the muscle of the law

For our Goldie it’s a habit

To attempt to save a planet

But she has a secret weapon

That she calls her rebel magnet

2

I was once a lion tamer

Naturally I cracked the whip

Until some animal protesters

Caused the ticket sales to dip

And so the circus owner

Gave our lion to a zoo

A little later I departed

What else was I to do?

For our Goldie it’s a habit

To attempt to save a planet

But she has a secret weapon

That she calls her rebel magnet

3

Goldie is a little different

From the usual red brigade

With her focus on our planet

Rather than the profits made

Well life is most confusing

What begins as work to do

Can undermine our values

But not Goldie and the few

For our Goldie it’s a habit

To attempt to save a planet

But she has a secret weapon

That she calls her rebel magnet

4

Goldie is a social greenie

I just love her hippie ways

Even though planet saving

In unfashionable these days

As you may get arrested

And be locked up in a cell

As the police have decided

Protest groups can go to hell

For our Goldie it’s a habit

To attempt to save a planet

But she has a secret weapon

That she calls her rebel magnet

5

If you want to be like Goldie

And would gladly protest too

Why not write her a nice letter

She would love to hear from you

We need to stop the people

That swing axes at the trees

Or pollute once pristine rivers

Just to get more dollars please

For our Goldie it’s a habit

To attempt to save a planet

But she has a secret weapon

That she calls her rebel magnet

The End